The Trouble with Weddings

By Lobokia the Humble


It was a lovely day in the East Woods, I wasn’t in the mood for hunting just for talking to my friends.  Krypton was her lively self, though again in love trouble.  Sheesh that girl finds the most troublesome men to fall in love with, always finding what she believes is her true love, only for some cruel injustice to rip him from her.


 I laugh to myself now about it but I thought that day was going to go so smoothly; oh I should not trust the gods so entirely. I was just talking to Krypton about the trouble in Temuir when a warrior, with the smell of sweat and bees wax still left on his armour came over to me.


 “Can you spare a little time to help my friend out?” he said, a large smile played across his face.  I didn’t think anything about it at first, just thought maybe someone was in aid of my priestly skills.  I am quite a good priest even if I say so myself.  Spent a long time mastering the miracles that priests are expected to dispense to any Aislings in need.


  “Sure, what’s the matter?” It didn’t really matter what he wanted, I was free for the rest of the day and didn’t mind helping anybody out really.  My parents always new I was going to be a priest, though I’m sure they thought I was to follow Gliorca instead of Gramail the God of law which I chose instead, or He chose its hard to know anything when it comes to the Gods.


Eagerness took him over, and more quickly he relayed that his best friend was getting married.  It looked like he was in need of a priest to perform the ceremony.  Ohh dear I thought, a wedding. 


“To be honest my friend I haven’t done a wedding yet, I don’t know how good I’ll be.”  The idea of hosting a service in front of so many people was a balking thought indeed.  The warrior’s smile didn’t seem to change, if anything his voice took more of a cheery note.  He shifted his stance so to appear friendlier and spoke in a voice that sounded genuine and kind, not one normally associated with the warriors of Temuir.  Most seem and are a little belligerent, relying on their strength of arm instead of strength of character that would see them through most situations.


 “Then it is good, for my friend has never been married before.”   He laughed out loud at the last remark obviously finding it a little funny.  Though in my eyes there is nothing funny about marriage, a serious commitment indeed. To bond your body and soul to another is one of the most sacred gifts the Gods have given us, never to be taken lightly.  I continued to try to put him off the idea of me doing the ceremony.


 “Seriously I have no experience on conducting a marriage ceremony I would hate to make mistakes.”  I was becoming worried; this mighty warrior seemed not to know the meaning of my growing concern.  He just remained there with a smile, maybe he thought I would just crack and do it without him saying another word.  Under that friendly pose I was starting to feel a little guilty.


Go on, you can do it       Krypton said to me through Temuirs’ magical whisper.


 No I cant     never done it        What do I say       I replied again through whisper.


The warrior was still stood there, looking at me expectantly.  I heard krypton again say      Go on, I’ll help you       I was amazed to hear my own voice say to the warrior “Ya sure it will be my pleasure.”  It seemed to do the trick with him, if he was a happy chappy at first then ecstatic wasn’t the word now.


“Thank you, I’ll whisper him that you’ll do it.”  He rushed on “Thank you, thank you my good priest.”  His face contorted slightly under the strain of what I assumed was a Temuir whisper, a power all the Aislings have though the less magical ones find it harder.


Thanks alot         I whispered to Krypton, as I turned and started to walk towards Mileth.  Krypton ran to keep up, she seemed to sense my apprehension.  “You’re a priest, you should be happy to do it.” A slight one sided smirk was starting to take shape on her face.  Though I know she was only doing it for my sake, priests need the experience of all things to do with the job.


“Yes well, I would be.” I replied.  “But I don’t know what I’m doing”.  I noticed the warrior was walking with us though a respectable distance away.  His steps easily keeping up with mine.  Every now and then his face concentrated for a brief time.  Obviously talking to the groom.


“You’ll be ok, ever been to a wedding?”  I’m sure she knew I hadn’t, just wanted to have a dig at me.  Turn the stick of nastiness in the tub of Lobokia so to speak.  Determined to get my own back some day my only response was      Shut up      in whisper.  I wasn’t really that upset with her, it was mainly directed at myself.  Should I fail in this endeavour there would only be one person to blame, me.


I got to the church, and to be honest I started getting scared before I even entered the building.  But there was the groom looking splendid in his wedding outfit, no sight of the bride.  With a bit of luck she’d done a runner; No such luck I thought, not to me.  Now I cant even remember his name, just that he was happy to see me.  “Thank you for coming on such short notice.”  He said, I could tell he was nervous, ironically not as nervous as me though. 

”Yes yes, no problem.” I replied as we took the walk together down the aisle to the alter.  The church was currently empty the people hadn’t shown yet and a false confidence was filling me.  This man seemed to be in a worst state than me.  Little beads of sweet were on his forehead, his eyes dilated with a slightly vacant look as they darted about the church .


 “This place needs tarting up a bit before she arrives.” He said.  Tarted up, I thought; this is a church, you don’t TART it up, but even so I heard myself in horror say “Yes it does, hehe she isn’t is she?”  I rolled my eyes towards heaven.  Good grief I thought, what the Gods was I thinking.  The man turned to me and through slightly controlled lips he said “No she isn’t.”


“Yes, yes quite sorry.”  Was the only reply I could think of.


Another man I hadn’t seen before called the groom outside.  As he walked down the aisle I noticed he did so silently, no noise on the marble floor.  It could only mean one thing, a rogue and by the absence of sound high in insight, I hoped I hadn’t made an enemy so quickly with my stupid remark.


I was deep in thought for some time preparing the sermon before I realized Kypton was now standing beside me at the alter it was her smell that I noticed, slightly of  roses.  Probably a perfume made by the mundanes of Piet.  Glancing up I noticed a startled transformation had happened to the church, flowers now seemed to adorn every pillar and post.  Gold lay strewn around the floor in neat piles meant as a gift for the happy couple.  It always helped them start their new lives with a few wedding gifts from people they knew.  I saw the precious Sventi flower as well as some great works of sculpture from all over Temuir.  Wow these must be well-loved people; and speaking of people I noticed the church was filled.  Gramail help me now, I thought, as I noticed this for the first time.  With a little hindsight I now know I should have just owned up there and then and said I couldn’t do it, it would have saved a little embarrassment later on.


Krypton, what have you got me into     I whispered to her


Isnt it lovely, all these people coming together to wish good will to the lucky couple


Help me    For Gramails sake Help me          I couldn’t think of anything else to say.  I had composed a nice little sermon a while back, now it was nowhere to be found inside my mind.


Honestly your so funny when your like this      was all she said.


Damn it, she was enjoying it, or maybe not, it was quite possible she didn’t fully understand how difficult I was finding this.   I thought hard before a surprising whisper from the groom entered my mind.


Where ready outside      What do I do      Tell me what to do


Erm, hang on, im just thinking, erm just stay there       That was it, my courage had failed me, it would seem Gramail had placed me firmly on a fast moving carriage to failure, probably having a good laugh.  Who was it that said gods don’t have humour.  Right find another road then, I knew a fine priestess by the name of Aeda and didn’t waste any time.


Aeda are you there      Please in the name of Gramail tell me your there       The whisper was hurried and a little frantic.  It suited the pace of mind I was currently in.


Hello love       Came the response, she always talked to me like that, don’t know why. Evidently more emotional than me.        Whatever’s the problem, your whisper nearly blew my head off


Please I’m supposed to do a wedding, and I cant go through with it, I’ve bottled it        Theres 50 people in here, please I know you can do it        I knew she could do it, only a couple of hours ago she had made a masterful sermon whilst joining two lovers in the glade.    Will you do it


Then I heard the groom whisper.        Come on priest you ready yet    Im ready     my wife to be is ready why aint you ready


Lobokia what you playing at         It was krypton.       Come take a deep breath everybody is ready


Where are you Aeda         My whisper was a strong one, and I felt a little sorry for her, it must have really hurt.  But Aeda  is a good woman and would understood my difficulty I was sure.


Just entering Mileth now love    be there in two mins


Thank Gramail, I was saved, what a woman Aeda is, what a woman.


COME ON PRIEST       The whisper was loud, and the grooms.


Good news    I replied     Aedo’s doing it, she knows what she’s doing


WHAT   what are you going on about      I noticed confusion in the grooms whisper, to be honest I wasn’t surprised.  This poor man was going through enough trauma without the help of a courage less priest to hinder the case.


Nearly there love      Aeda whispered.


What you call her for      you can do it yourself       It was krypton again obviously a little irate at my lack of courage.   Honestly Lobokia I despair I really do         


A new whisper joined the throng it was the Brides     Are you doing it or not  It was a well founded question, I just hoped I wasn’t.  A horrible idea was forming in my mind, maybe Aeda wasn’t coming at all and was all along having a good laugh whispering to Krypton somewhere in Abel or somewhere.  Gramail  please don’t let this be, I thought.


With all that was going on  the next was directed  mistakenly to the bride     Shut up woman       it was meant for Krypton in a hope to quite her down.


Coming up  to the church now, don’t worry      Aeda thank the Gods it’s Aeda, or was it?  No I couldn’t think that way, must take her at face value and hope, yes hope.


WELL really, I have never       whispered the Bride


I do despair I really do       I wish Krypton would just keep quite.


Sorry, so sorry, I meant another      I hurried a whisper to the bride in a hope to reduce the damage done, with my earlier mistaken whisper.


With that the doors where flung apart and the groom started to walk down the aisle, he looked a little angry.  I also noticed that I could now hear his footsteps, loud, louder than the muttering of the crowd.  They couldn’t hear the whispers, but was coming to the conclusion that something was wrong.


I never noticed it before but the groom seemed to have a Sun dagger tucked inside his belt.  “Well really!” I said.  “You cant bring a weapon into a church it’s…….”  I was cut off by the way the groom removed it, slowly and deliberately with full intent.  “Killing a priest is a little out as well.”  I mumbled as I stepped back virtually onto the alter itself.  Krypton was looking at me with a large O shaping her mouth. As the groom took another small step towards me I saw her regain her composure and start mumbling a miracle of IOC, that didn’t look so good.  It meant I might need it.  I also thought IOC!, IOC? that’s no good woman, look at him, look at the dagger, MOR IOC, MOR IOC!


 He held the dagger low so most of the crowd couldn’t see it, I could, and wished to Gramail I couldn’t.  The ones that could see craned their necks to get a better view; the wedding had improved by far.  They probably wondered what was going on and why their friend was about to turn this priest into a mantis sheesh kebab.  Dar was infamous for em, people thought he needed all those carrion items he bought for spells and research, but he had invited me round for dinner once, never again.  The things that floated to the top of the first course still give me nightmares to this day.


“Welcome all, on this lovely day.”  The voice was melodious and carried over the crowd.  Aeda thank Gramail.  “Thank you Lobokia for arranging the seating order, I will carry on with the wedding ritual as soon as the good grooms found his position.”  His current position was one hand cupping my mantle and the other low, holding the dagger, any position would be better than that, any actually but one, the one that meant I could fill my belly without needing to trouble my mouth.


Later   was the final whisper from the groom it sounded like he did in fact wish to see me again later, Gramail knows why, maybe for him to thank me for finding another priest on such short notice.  He had turned from me and was currently looking at Aeda as she strode up the aisle towards us, for the entire world she looked like she owned the place.  As soon as he let go of my mantle and stood up straight, attention was still on Aeda, I made good my escape ducking around the alter and through the shadows along one wall. I was near the front of the church as the bride started her march down the aisle towards the alter.  I ducked out the main doors just as she reached them, my last memory of the retched place was the faint voice of Aeda saying  “We are hear today to witness the holy matrimony………”


Maybe just maybe Dar would entertain me again this night, the second course didn’t seem so bad all of a sudden, just keep of the soup was the last thought in my mind as I trudged along the streets of Mileth.